The Husband Store

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. ... You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

*********

The second floor sign reads:Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

*********

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking." Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

*********

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework."Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

*********

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

*********

Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

Diamond Rings For Weddings

"More couples in increasingly affluent China are opting to say "I do" with a diamond ring, rather than gold or jade jewellery, according to the world's biggest diamond producer De Beers."

According to an article in the Star, more and more Chinese are buying diamonds for weddings than gold or jade. Unbelievable.

"More and more consumers are acquiring diamonds in China. You know when consumers used to ask others 'so did you get a diamond for your wedding?', now they'd ask how big is your diamond."

Actually I don't blame the men, it's the women who wants the diamonds. Paying so much for something so small. You say, "Mine's 0.3 carats", she says, "Mine's 0.4 carat." If you look at it properly, you don't actually see much difference. Please remember, no matter how big you all compare, it's so small u can't even measure it with a ruler. How big do you want it to be? Sigh.

If it were up to the men, probably they would buy liquor and get drunk during the wedding. Most important is the bed. So buying a bed for the wife would be more realistic. Start comparing how big the size of your bed with others.

Tell them, I got a super super king size bed. I can roll all over the bed. Do somersaults and all type of positions. Then you can start comparing.

Words Women USe

I managed to extract more words from the Dictionary of Women's English.

Fine ..This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

Five minutes .. If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

Nothing .. This is the calm before the storm. This means "something", and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine".

Go ahead .. This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

Loud sigh .. This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "loud sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

That's okay .. This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "Th at's okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

Thanks .. A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint, Just say "you're welcome".

Dictionary for Men & Women

You know, I always thought that there was only one type of Dictionary for English. I knew some words have more than one meaning, but recently I received an email that clearly proves that there is a need for 2 dictionaries. One for men and one for women. Here are some extracts from the 2 dictionaries.


WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're very attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay

Now, how true is that...